Sunscreen

The first time I heard this song, I was driving with the windows down in sunny San Diego.  A few of these lines really made me think and I love to come back and listen from time to time, as I hope it reminds me of some truths that are worth keeping in focus.

My favorite:  "Worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum."

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never-mind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you. 

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss. 

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself. 
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. 

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. 

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel. 

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out. 

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

Lyrics by: Baz Luhrmann

Take more pictures

Having a Facebook profile and friends with iPhones, shouldn't get you off the hook for taking pictures.  Life is crazy, with so many amazing memories, that you should really work on keeping a record of all this.  I bought a camera and started getting into photography because I was doing a lot of really cool outdoors activities.  The views were amazing, the stories were funny, but all I was leaving with were a few smart phone pictures, at best.  Buying a camera and making the effort to lug it everywhere made me focus on actually recording these moments.  As I started taking more photos, I started to realize just how many stories I had forgotten over the years.

Here are a few of my favorite pictures from the last couple years:

San Francisco, CA

Swiss Alps Signage

Big Sur, CA 

Northstar, Lake Tahoe

San Diego Beer Mile 

Getting Engaged

                           

Ironman Finish

                         

Life is what you perceive

"There is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so."  -William Shakespeare

A simple reality that people often lose sight of or even fail to recognize altogether is that we are all masters of our own perception.  There are plenty of Buddhist quotes, famous lines from literature, and modern musings of positive psychology that all say pretty much the same thing-- your world "is the creation of [your] mind."

I previously wrote that allowing others to spark a reaction in you is fruitless.  Furthermore, focusing on the faults of the world and the drawbacks of your existence is probably the quickest way to develop a disdain for consciousness;  not to mention a drinking problem.

Leading a happy, fulfilling life takes continuous focus and mindfulness.  About 60% of affect (your disposition to being happy vs. sad) is actually genetic.  The rest is generally related to how you react to the world and how you choose to structure your thoughts.  Believe it or not, how you think, whether positive or negative, is a learned activity just like anything else.  Both cognitive therapy and meditation are tools to structure your thought patterns in a way that sets you up for happiness.  Because cognitive therapy is both expensive and comes with a bit of a negative stigma, we'll focus on meditation.

Meditation is defined as a conscious attempt to focus thought in a non-analytic way.  This means that meditation is an attempt to completely, yes completely, clear your mind.  Surprisingly, completely clearing your mind in a day of uber-connectedness, may be one of the most challenging things you can do.  I regularly attempt to pull this off for five minutes before I start my work day.  In six months of trying several times a week, I've officially succeeded once.  I emerged from this experience feeling as if I had just taken a shot of dopamine after eight hours of sleep.  It was amazing.  I had finally experienced what I had read.  The discipline required to meditate gives you the strength to control your thoughts, predisposing you to focus on the positive.  It relaxes you to an incredible point of peacefulness and due to the control required, actually makes you a more productive, mindful person.

So to sum this all up, remember that life is what you perceive.  Having a tough day at work can suck the wind out of you, resulting in a few drinks over which you complain about life, work, everything.  But the same day could be perceived as a tough day that brought about several positive learning experiences, only to be capped off with a great hang-sesh with good friends.

Things like meditation, and the knowledge that you are in control, give you the skills to consciously choose what road to take.  I think we'd all agree that it's a lot more fun to take the road that has the most laughs, where the glasses are all half full.    


Related Posts:
That guy you "hate" would probably be your BFF in different circumstances

The Young Adult's Top 25 from GS Elevator's "How to be a Man"

For those of you not familiar with GS Elevator, it's some dude that works in the Goldman Sachs building on Wall Street and records ridiculous stuff he hears on the elevator via a Twitter feed.  Recently this guy put together a "guide to being a man" for Business Insider.  There were some real gems in there and these are my top 25 that I think apply outside of just Wall Street:

1. It’s okay to trade the possibility of your 80s and 90s for more guaranteed fun in your 20s and 30s.
2. Never stay out after midnight three nights in a row … unless something really good comes up on the third night.
3. Never date an ex of your friend.
4. Always carry cash.  Keep some in your front pocket.
5. If riding the bus doesn't incentivize you to improve your station in life, nothing will.
6. When in doubt, always kiss the girl.
7. People are tired of you being the funny, drunk guy.
8. You probably use your cell phone too often and at the wrong moments.

9. Buy expensive sunglasses.  Superficial? Yes, but so are the women judging you. And it tells these women you appreciate nice things and are responsible enough not to lose them.
10. Act like you've been there before.  It doesn't matter if it’s in the end zone at the Super Bowl or on a private plane.
11. A glass of wine or two with lunch will not ruin your day.

12. No selfies. Aspire to experience photo-worthy moments in the company of a beautiful woman.
13. There’s always another level. Just be content knowing that you are still better off than most who have ever lived.
14. Ask for a salad instead of fries.

15. Be spontaneous.
16. Measure yourself only against your previous self.
17. Remember, “rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men.” 
18. Read more. It allows you to borrow someone else’s brain, and will make you more interesting at a dinner party – provided that you don’t initiate conversation with, “So, who are you reading …”
19. Never take an ex back. She tried to do better and is settling with you.
20. Drink outdoors.
 And during the day.
 And sometimes by yourself.
21. If she expects the person you are 20% of the time, 100% of the time, then she doesn't want you.
22. Avoid that “last” whiskey. You've probably had enough. 

23. Staying angry is a waste of energy.

24. Buy a tuxedo before you are thirty. Stay that size.

25. Stop talking about where you went to college.

The full article:  http://www.businessinsider.com/the-gselevator-guide-to-being-a-man-2013-9

Less talk, more action

I was raised by a man that was continuously telling me that actions speak louder than words.  As with many of the things that he taught me, this didn't sink in until I got outside my happy little bubble and out in the real world.  My college roommate taught me that not everyone is as considerate as my family had been.  My first job taught me that not everyone is as driven and disciplined as rowers tend to be.  The workforce has continued to teach me that there are "talkers" and there are "doers."

Talkers like to sit and throw around all the things that "we should do," but they never put an action plan in place.  Talkers long to be the "big picture guy," but they don't understand the necessary steps involved in achieving that picture.  The danger of being a "talker" is that unless you're spontaneously born into a CEO position with the luxury of delegation, you need to back these things up with a definitive course of action.  If you don't act, your words gradually lose value.  If you don't reinforce the big picture with the actions needed to move down the road, the picture remains a pipe dream.

Doers on the other hand emerge as natural leaders.  These people understand that dreams don't become reality without taking that first step.  Furthermore, they're able to map out what needs to happen after that first step.  Note that this map does not need to be perfect.  It's this need to work everything out before launching a project that paralyzes people in the talking stage.  Take the leap!  Get the ball rolling! Whatever cliche you want to throw out there, just get started and let the pieces start to fall into place.  You'll make mistakes and you'll have to adjust your course, but most importantly, you'll be doing; not talking.  Google and Apple weren't built by figuring everything out beforehand, so no matter how big or small your project, just get started.

Making changes like this can be challenging.  Something that has really helped me focus on action in my personal and professional life is a principal called the "two minute rule." James Clear is the guy that came up with the idea and the gist of it is as follows:

"Most of the tasks that you procrastinate on aren't actually difficult to do -- you have the talent and skills to accomplish them -- you just avoid starting them for one reason or another.  
... If a task takes less than two minutes to complete, then do it right now."

How to Stop Procrastinating by Using the 'Two-Minute Rule'

The two minute rule is meant to help people procrastinate less, but a wonderful side effect is that it starts to turn you into a doer.  You'll start to take pride in getting things done and in being a person of action.  Slowly this starts to become ingrained in your character.  You realize how quickly many of these things can be done and so you'll be the person to pick up that piece of trash, to unload the dishwasher, to take that first step.

Simple things can have dramatic results and I've found that by starting small and focusing on being a person of action, you can become more productive and a more valuable team member than you ever thought possible.  

That guy that you "hate" would probably be your BFF in a different circumstance

Something that took me a long time to understand was that judging people and allowing them to spark a reaction in you is futile.  Not only does it get you no where productive, but in different circumstances, you'd probably actually like the person you've put on your judging platform.

I learned this in college through rowing.  My target was gregarious, loud, confident, but more importantly, holding the winner's cup that I had been expecting to collect all year long.  In short, he was me, but a better version of me.  I "hated" him for it.  A spit on the ground in front of you, western movie kind of disdain that I felt was totally justified.

Fast forward two years.  We're both still rowing, but now we're on the same team.  I bring the same attitude in and I don't talk to him, I don't look at him, I don't laugh at his jokes (even though they're actually quite funny).  Weeks go by and he seems impervious to my coldness, offering up compliments and congratulations on jobs well done, workouts crushed, beers chugged.  Another three months go by and this guy is one of my closest friends.  We carpool together, run errands together, row together... an undeniable bromance.

What did I learn from this?  If you're competing in a sport, working for the same company, in a rival fraternal organization, whatever the context of this arch nemesis, chances are you have a lot more in common than you're willing to acknowledge.

This reality is always hiding in the background, so a more productive focus would be on the task at hand, not your feelings and perceived justification for these feelings.  Not only will you be a more likable person by minimizing the list of folks that you "hate," but your stress levels will be lower, making you a healthier person.  I can go into the science behind that if you want, but let's just cut to the chase; if you "hate" someone and it's for reasons other than true moral deviance or wrongdoing, you're probably carbon copies of each other and its simply the reflection that's making you uncomfortable.

Love Languages

One of the many things I have my fiance to thank for is that she's constantly teaching me new things.  One of the many things she's taught me about myself and about the world is the existence of different love languages.

One night we were watching TV and she asked me to take an online quiz on the topic.  She was insistent and as someone that despises "wasting time online" (not counting Facebook), I was hesitant.  Little did I know, my acquiescence, would have a profound impact on our relationship.

Love languages or relationship languages, for that matter, dictate how people derive meaning and satisfaction in their relationships.  All in all, there are five identified love languages.

1) Words of Affirmation
2) Acts of Service
3) Gift Giving
4) Quality Time
5) Physical Touch

A perfect example of these styles in action are evident in my own relationship, as we have conflicting styles.  I crave verbal praise and physical touch.  I take meaning out of her saying she loves me or is proud of me, paired with a simple shoulder touch.  Don't get me wrong, I love it if she cooks dinner or buys me a watch (hint, hint), but I view these as commonplace and somewhat impersonal.    

She on the other hand prescribes to my Father's old adage, "actions speak louder than words."  Quality time and acts of service are the things that say "I Love you" more than the words "I Love you."  Now, I'm not going to lie, I couldn't understand this for the life of me for quite a while, until one day I was vacuuming when she got home from work.  The intensity of the love in her eyes was so noticeable that you would have thought I was proposing at that moment.  That's when things really sank in, that if I want to show her how much she means to me, words are nice, but the house better be clean and dinner made first.

The impact this understanding has had can't be overlooked.  We understand each other better and communicate more effectively.

There are tons of online quizzes to figure out your relationship style.  This can help you understand a friend, a family member, or your significant other.  If you take the time to do this, I promise you won't be disappointed.
 

Budgeting

After three months of looking, my fiance and I finally had an offer accepted on a home.  Things are quickly getting real!  It was only a couple months ago that I got up the guts to tell my family and friends that I had found "the one," so signing up for over a half million in debt with that person is not only the most "adult" thing I've done to date, it's also one of the most terrifying.

Why so scary?  Having that kind of responsibility on your shoulders makes you realize that you can't just quit a job, put a vacation on the credit card, get drunk and cover rounds for all your new "friends," buy a chainsaw on EBay, etc, etc.  You have to consult the other person on things of the nature because she signed and initialed right next to you.  For me, it's this forfeiture of absolute control that is scary.  

The important aspects that I've quickly learned through this process are two fold:  transparency and planning.  It's uncomfortable to give someone access to your whole financial history, but it's also very important.  Having that slush fund on the side that you don't tell your significant other about doesn't inspire trust.

Furthermore, financial planning becomes very important.  We're spending more on a house that I wanted to in the beginning.  Because of this, our payment is a full $500/month more than I had hoped.  I'm used to having cheap rent and tons of extra cash every month with which to go forth and be awesome.  I fear we're cinching the belt on some of that awesomeness.  

This brings up an exercise that I admittedly did not go through until I was almost 30 years old... budgeting.  

First and foremost, save.  This allows you to make bold decisions, take risks, and enjoy life.  Being tied to a job because you're paycheck to paycheck isn't exactly a recipe for an inspired life.  Next, don't forget about all those fixed expenses that happen yearly, bi-yearly, quarterly, etc.  Car insurance, DMV registration fees, things of that nature.  These should not be surprise expenses that go on the credit card because you bought new skis the month before.  

Here's a sample that I put together for our recent budgeting exercise surrounding our housing purchase:  

Expenses

Mortgage/Rent (+Ins. + Taxes)

Utilities

Water

Trash

Internet

Cell

Groceries

Charity

Shopping_Clothes_Sports

Restaurants_Entertainment

Cars_Insurance_Gas

Life Insurance

Gym Memberships

Home Improvement

Savings

401k

Post tax investments

Emergency Savings

Travel

Total Expenses (Expenses plus savings)

Total Surplus (Expenses-Income)

If your "Total Surplus" isn't actually a surplus and is indeed "in the red," you'll obviously need to adjust things in some manner.  Figure out what is expendable and what is not.  Also, notice that I like to budget in things like travel and shopping.  I believe that the best way to stick with something is to cheat from time to time.  This is true for diets and I've found it true for budgeting.  However, please don't apply this principle to all things, i.e. marriage... that would be bad news.    

Disclaimer:  I'm definitely not an accountant, so the correct use of debit and credit will not be found in this budget.