Waiting for Perfection

Sitting on the outside, looking in, you oftentimes hear people describe their wedding day or the birth of their child as the best day of their life.  It's hard to understand how one day could be that much different than the other.  I recall thinking, "Yeah, I'm sure you had fun, and I'm sure you were happy... let's talk about me now because I have no way to identify with you on this."

After going through my wedding and honeymoon, I'm excited for all the experiences life will bring in the future.  The level of fulfillment, gratitude, love, excitement, and pure boundless fun, that the day actually entailed was hard to anticipate, amazing to experience, and difficult to articulate.  It truly was the best day of my life and it was so much more than I could have ever expected.  Having all the most important people in your life assembled from all the over the world and seeing the woman of your dreams look more beautiful than she ever has, is something that I didn't even know I was dreaming of, until it actually happened.  When I saw her for the first time, I knew that the day would be fulfilling and emotional beyond anything I expected.

After going through that day and sitting on the precipice of a lifetime with my wife (still weird to say out loud), I realize that the depth and complexity of what we're building is just getting started.  Simply stating our vows and going through the awesome, epic party, of our wedding, added something to our relationship.  Everything is the same, yet totally different.  It feels like we were standing on the summit, admiring the view, content with where we were, only to discover that there's a whole new trail ahead with more meaning, growth, and love.

In reflecting on all that I've been blessed with and the fact that I found something real, something that will last a lifetime, weathering the rockiest of times, I recall a time when I was convinced that I was going to be the awesome, single 50 yr. old uncle.  That would be ok, right?  Life could be great, even though I wanted kids and a family.  I could find fulfillment in traveling, being in great shape, owning awesome stuff, and having great friends, right?

Looking back, this was perhaps the darkest time in my dating history.  I was eating tons of pizza and going out three or four times a week because I believed this was how I would meet someone, when in reality I was just getting greasy and fat.  Ironically enough this was about three weeks before I met Anja.

Sometimes I believe in karma-- dating karma, sales karma, etc.  Perhaps you have to put in the "work" to reap the rewards.  For me, the "work" was failed relationships, laughably bad blind dates (one was totally racist), getting hurt, being a jerk, pledging celibacy, going back on that pledge, all the while praying that waiting for perfection wouldn't result in me dying alone and having my future unnamed dog eat my remains.  Thank God that perfection does exist and patience, mixed with a little faith, is the key.

Here's to building an extraordinary life.    

Seeking Adventure

One of the things that Anja and I always strive for while traveling is to have an authentic adventure.  We don't want the "touristy" experience, but rather the best authentic, traditional food, the day in the life of the local, the hidden gem off the beaten path.  One of the ways we pull this off is simply by talking to people.  You have to be very careful how you phrase your questions though; don't simply ask where you should go, as they'll list off the tourist attractions that they think you'll want to see.  Rather, "whats your favorite restaurant, where do you eat, any recommendations on really cool experiences or places to visit?"  Conversations of this nature will get you into truly authentic situations.

True Love

How do you know you can be with one person for the rest of your life?

I can see 23 year old Chris asking 30 year old, about to be married, Chris this very question.  Twenty-three year old Chris' experiences suggest that you're a whole person looking for someone to complement you; looking for someone that adds more than they subtract- (+) attractive, (-) selfish, (+) similar interests, (-) impatient, etc. etc.  Fortunately for 23 year old Chris, 30 year old Chris has learned that there's an entirely new ballgame out there for those lucky enough to have met their true counterpart.

When thinking about who I've become as a person, I now see that I'm an irreplaceable part of a pair.  When I look at pictures, they're always better with her there.  When I think of outings, they're always better with her enjoyment.  When I think of the future, she's the first thing I see.  No longer am I a single person moving through the world; I'm intertwined with another, I'm connected at the soul with a person that knows me better than anyone else in the world, including my own Mother.  

Having met the person that makes me feel whole, I see that there's much more to this equation than a simple +/- 1 point.  It's a deep, unflappable connection that creates our relationship.  It was never something that had to develop or something that took effort.  From day one I knew that she made me a better person.  No more browning out and dancing on bars for this guy.

I also saw that the sum of us together made me want to try; to forego being mad or winning a fight, to be the first to say "I'm sorry," to give up the selfishness that your early 20's reinforces.  She innately makes me want to try harder, to provide more, to be a better person for her.  Thankfully, being a better person for her isn't solely based on the physical or aesthetic.  Hopefully I'll never again have to wear a turtleneck sweater on a date... yeah that happened.

Being a better person for her is being happy, being compassionate, being a willing and supportive husband, friend, and someday father.  It's viewing decisions through her eyes and making her feel heard and respected in conversations.

Most importantly, she makes all this feel natural, when it couldn't be further from the nature of a 20 year old guy.  The fact that I feel funny, challenged, supported, loved, lusted, and understood while around her, is purely icing on the cake and makes life feel more promising than it ever has.

Again, none of this was a simple addition problem.  It just seemed to happen and I can't imagine willfully undoing it all.  So, to 23 year old Chris, yes I'm sure.  I know it'll take work, but I hold confidence in the idea that I met a partner that makes me want to work harder in all I do, especially "us."  That's a stability that is so foreign to you at the moment, that it's going to hit you like a ton of bricks when it finally shows up.  Don't ever look back and don't ever question what you've built with her because she's the Love of your life.  

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The Best Advice I Ever Received

What's the best advice you ever received?  For me this question required a lot of reflection because the sagest of all directives have been internalized as a part of my character, with the original conversation long since forgotten.  After some thought, it became apparent that one thing doesn't stand out, rather a handful create a list that is characteristic of the person I strive to become.

•  Don't react to things emotionally. In the context of today's digital world, let your first reaction sit for an hour, then re-read, edit, press send. -Dad
• If you lose someone, memorialize them by keeping your favorite traits alive. -Dad
• For me, this is complimenting people and jumping into things with 100% enthusiasm. 
• Actions speak louder than words. -Dad
• Especially when digging oneself out of a hole.  
• In life and in business, don't ever sell someone something.  Frame the conversation in such a way that they logically arrive at a conclusion that supports your ambitions. -1st Boss  
• People love being called by their name. -Uncle 
• It's so simple, but rarely acknowledged, and oftentimes seen as corny when exercised.  But why else would people in the service industry wear name tags?  It feels good when someone remembers your name.  

What's the best advice you ever received?  Share below. 

Pursuing new experience through Crossfit

As a working adult, it's easy to get to a point where "firsts" become scarce.  You can become an incredibly successful person, do your job, and achieve new milestones, but very few of these things will be happening for the first time.  First kiss, first date, first day on the job, first kid, first steps... these all produce a raw exhilaration and excitement that is unmatched with other achievements.  Once you've been there before, these things are special, but can lack the true visceral emotion that you felt in that inaugural moment.

One of the cool things about Crossfit is that these "firsts" are everywhere.  The very nature of such a multi-disciplined sport means that you're going to suck at a lot of stuff.  I personally suck at pretty much everything having to do with gymnastic based movements.  That and the snatch (feel free to giggle).

Warning or opportunity?

This is actually the reason I went to Crossfit for the first time-- to push myself out of my comfort zone.  I hate being inexperienced at things, so I tend to stick to previously conquered pursuits.  The danger of this is a lifetime on the easy road; something that will rob you of the incredible experiences that exist on the fringe of comfort.

In the gym, this is seen in conquering a movement for the first time.  The whole class cheers for you, you hit the PR bell, the coach gives you a high five, and says "I knew you could do it;"  it's an amazing feeling.  This type of support fuels the continual pursuit of uncharted boundaries.  This is what makes Crossfit so addicting for those that have become evangelists.

For me, this type of attitude has even extended outside of the gym to areas like business, outdoor pursuits, and "dating my Fiance."  Achieving or experiencing something for the first time, and acknowledging it for it's significance, brings a level of excitement and deep, unflappable pride that human beings naturally crave.  Without the continuous renegotiation of previously perceived boundaries, life would be dangerously stagnant, the bucket list painfully boring, and picture album sadly anti-climactic.  It's the things that scare you before the first step that end up being the most memorable.    

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Be aware of your online brand

Google yourself.  What pops up?  If you have a generic American name like me, probably nothing.  You're pretty anonymous.

Now Google your name plus your company.  More targeted results?  I was shocked to see that when you search "Chris Wheeler MarcomCentral," I owned nearly the entire first page of the Google search results.  I had a panic moment when I realized just how much of my life is truly visible to strangers.  You can see my Fiance, my dog, the fact that I ski, crossfit, and like bourbon.

Sitting and thinking about this, I realized that being in sales, that could actually be a good thing.  I want to present more online substance than simply my LinkedIn profile and email signature.  It allows my prospective clients to do business with a real human being, drawing some connection from what they see online.  However, the flip side of this is that it opens me up to judgement from these strangers before we've had the opportunity to interact and establish a relationship.  This is where cultivating an online brand comes into play.  

Review what is visible to the public, consider your industry, and decide what impression you'd like to give.  If you're in hospitality and nightlife, you'll have a drastically different baseline for what is appropriate than if you're in finance.  An appropriate brand for the former might be "well dressed, well connected, rages with the best," while the latter might want to be depicted as "successful, active, and family oriented."

In order to achieve the appropriate branding, you need to be aware of what and how things will show up, as well as the obvious impressions your posts will generate.  If you're at a conference and #hashtag a picture with your company name, your Instagram feed is going to show up in search results.  The same is true for your Twitter feed.  Facebook tends to be a bit more generic in what shows up, but think of what picture albums are public.  It might be a good idea to hide all those college party pictures.  Nothing sends an impression quicker than a picture of 20 yr old you doing a keg stand dressed like a "cat."

Every once in a while skim through your pictures, tweets, posts, and make sure you're sticking to that brand.  After all, in the age of uber connection, social media can either help or hurt you, so you might as well give it some thought and put it to good work.  


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