To my daughter

As I look at you now, you're so pure, so untouched by the world.  No pessimism, negativity, or bias.  You're not damaged goods, jaded by past experience.  You're not racist, crass, or angry.  You can be anyone, anything.  The world will shape you and try to pull you with the majority, which is a terrifying thought.

To combat against all the negatives and toxins that will hit you along the way, I have a plan.

I promise you that I will show you how a man should treat a woman.  I will date your Mother, no matter how long we're together, and I will show you what a true gentleman looks like.  I will open your door, buy you flowers (just because), hold your hand, tell you that I was thinking about you, listen to what you have to say and look you in the eye when you're saying it.  I will respect you and cherish your Love.  When you say "I can't," I will believe in you, and encourage you to try, because you can do anything.  I will dream up a hundred ways to teach you that you are great and deserving of greatness in return.

No settling, no low-class doesn't know how to treat a lady, no "he's way out of my league," no "well he's a nice guy."  I will teach you to expect the best and to love without fear.  I will show you the power of vulnerability and what happens when you act in spite of fear.

You will also learn that there are two paths through life.  Safety or excitement, security or passion.  I will push you towards the road of passion.  Passion will guide you through the maze of life en route to adventure and freedom.  Life can be full of authentic experiences, absent of regret.  Embrace vulnerability and acting because it feels right, for your Mother and I pledge to build an unwavering compass for you, in you.

Most importantly, we will teach you that friends are life's mortar to hold everything together, but family is the foundation on which you were built.  If and when everything comes crashing down, family will always be there.  They are not to be walked on, neglected, or taken for granted.  They are life's most precious relationships to be cherished and nurtured.  Family will be there on the greatest occasions of your life, all of which will be that much sweeter because they'll be shared with people that truly matter.  Embrace this.  Welcome it.

Above all, we will teach you to pursue a life of perpetual learning.  Never settle.  Strive for new knowledge every day.  Stagnation is the enemy of fulfillment and a life full of consistent growth will reap rewards far greater than their sum.

Grow, love, learn, without hesitation and without fear.

Building a crib

You would have thought that my wife's giant belly would make me realize how real things are getting.  Apparently not so.  Putting together a crib was the kick to the chest that made me realize just what was happening to us.  That's when I felt it all...

Pressure.

There are few things in life that force introspection in a man like the impending arrival of one's offspring.  Suddenly you'll find yourself reflecting on your childhood, your parents, your family values, on the values you share with your partner.  Am I mature enough to be a role model?  They're so impressionable.  How do I catapult this person from mediocrity to greatness?  I had such a great start to life.  Will siblings find friendship or rivalry?  Friendship, I pray.

Joy.

A complete stranger once told me that there is nothing in life that adds the kind of depth that a child does.  They create a kind of love that you never knew existed.  I see that in my sister-in-law and niece.  They allow you to see things in a joyful, pure way, if you let them pull you into their world.  The wonder and elation of even the simplest of things is so infectious.  Grass can apparently be funny, as can dog kisses.  You can laugh at them, but better yet, laugh with them, for life can be extraordinary in the most ordinary of situations.

Fear.

Things are also scary.  The internet gives greater access to information than we've ever enjoyed, and it's terrifying.  Pregnancy can seem so fragile at times, but we forget that humans have been doing this for thousands of years in much more precarious positions than middle class America with great health insurance.      

The scariest of all seems to be the inevitability of time and the forfeiture of narcissistic concerns.  Soon this child will be asking for the keys to the car.  I'll hand them over will full, terrifying knowledge of 17 year old behavior.  Will I have the ability to let go and allow him/her to grow, live their life, and learn lessons exactly as I did?  The hard way.  Suddenly my greatest worry in life is walking out the door.  

Love.

Through all of this, I think of what my wife has endured and will go through in child birth.  How she'll depend on me in pain, fear, and self doubt, while completing an athletic event longer and harder than anything I've done.  Suddenly I don't feel like the strong one in the relationship.  For the first time, I see the power behind the title "Mom."  This brings about a deep respect that I'm not sure I can find the words for, other than "I Love you."

So many feelings... all from building a crib.

Waiting for Perfection

Sitting on the outside, looking in, you oftentimes hear people describe their wedding day or the birth of their child as the best day of their life.  It's hard to understand how one day could be that much different than the other.  I recall thinking, "Yeah, I'm sure you had fun, and I'm sure you were happy... let's talk about me now because I have no way to identify with you on this."

After going through my wedding and honeymoon, I'm excited for all the experiences life will bring in the future.  The level of fulfillment, gratitude, love, excitement, and pure boundless fun, that the day actually entailed was hard to anticipate, amazing to experience, and difficult to articulate.  It truly was the best day of my life and it was so much more than I could have ever expected.  Having all the most important people in your life assembled from all the over the world and seeing the woman of your dreams look more beautiful than she ever has, is something that I didn't even know I was dreaming of, until it actually happened.  When I saw her for the first time, I knew that the day would be fulfilling and emotional beyond anything I expected.

After going through that day and sitting on the precipice of a lifetime with my wife (still weird to say out loud), I realize that the depth and complexity of what we're building is just getting started.  Simply stating our vows and going through the awesome, epic party, of our wedding, added something to our relationship.  Everything is the same, yet totally different.  It feels like we were standing on the summit, admiring the view, content with where we were, only to discover that there's a whole new trail ahead with more meaning, growth, and love.

In reflecting on all that I've been blessed with and the fact that I found something real, something that will last a lifetime, weathering the rockiest of times, I recall a time when I was convinced that I was going to be the awesome, single 50 yr. old uncle.  That would be ok, right?  Life could be great, even though I wanted kids and a family.  I could find fulfillment in traveling, being in great shape, owning awesome stuff, and having great friends, right?

Looking back, this was perhaps the darkest time in my dating history.  I was eating tons of pizza and going out three or four times a week because I believed this was how I would meet someone, when in reality I was just getting greasy and fat.  Ironically enough this was about three weeks before I met Anja.

Sometimes I believe in karma-- dating karma, sales karma, etc.  Perhaps you have to put in the "work" to reap the rewards.  For me, the "work" was failed relationships, laughably bad blind dates (one was totally racist), getting hurt, being a jerk, pledging celibacy, going back on that pledge, all the while praying that waiting for perfection wouldn't result in me dying alone and having my future unnamed dog eat my remains.  Thank God that perfection does exist and patience, mixed with a little faith, is the key.

Here's to building an extraordinary life.    

Seeking Adventure

One of the things that Anja and I always strive for while traveling is to have an authentic adventure.  We don't want the "touristy" experience, but rather the best authentic, traditional food, the day in the life of the local, the hidden gem off the beaten path.  One of the ways we pull this off is simply by talking to people.  You have to be very careful how you phrase your questions though; don't simply ask where you should go, as they'll list off the tourist attractions that they think you'll want to see.  Rather, "whats your favorite restaurant, where do you eat, any recommendations on really cool experiences or places to visit?"  Conversations of this nature will get you into truly authentic situations.

True Love

How do you know you can be with one person for the rest of your life?

I can see 23 year old Chris asking 30 year old, about to be married, Chris this very question.  Twenty-three year old Chris' experiences suggest that you're a whole person looking for someone to complement you; looking for someone that adds more than they subtract- (+) attractive, (-) selfish, (+) similar interests, (-) impatient, etc. etc.  Fortunately for 23 year old Chris, 30 year old Chris has learned that there's an entirely new ballgame out there for those lucky enough to have met their true counterpart.

When thinking about who I've become as a person, I now see that I'm an irreplaceable part of a pair.  When I look at pictures, they're always better with her there.  When I think of outings, they're always better with her enjoyment.  When I think of the future, she's the first thing I see.  No longer am I a single person moving through the world; I'm intertwined with another, I'm connected at the soul with a person that knows me better than anyone else in the world, including my own Mother.  

Having met the person that makes me feel whole, I see that there's much more to this equation than a simple +/- 1 point.  It's a deep, unflappable connection that creates our relationship.  It was never something that had to develop or something that took effort.  From day one I knew that she made me a better person.  No more browning out and dancing on bars for this guy.

I also saw that the sum of us together made me want to try; to forego being mad or winning a fight, to be the first to say "I'm sorry," to give up the selfishness that your early 20's reinforces.  She innately makes me want to try harder, to provide more, to be a better person for her.  Thankfully, being a better person for her isn't solely based on the physical or aesthetic.  Hopefully I'll never again have to wear a turtleneck sweater on a date... yeah that happened.

Being a better person for her is being happy, being compassionate, being a willing and supportive husband, friend, and someday father.  It's viewing decisions through her eyes and making her feel heard and respected in conversations.

Most importantly, she makes all this feel natural, when it couldn't be further from the nature of a 20 year old guy.  The fact that I feel funny, challenged, supported, loved, lusted, and understood while around her, is purely icing on the cake and makes life feel more promising than it ever has.

Again, none of this was a simple addition problem.  It just seemed to happen and I can't imagine willfully undoing it all.  So, to 23 year old Chris, yes I'm sure.  I know it'll take work, but I hold confidence in the idea that I met a partner that makes me want to work harder in all I do, especially "us."  That's a stability that is so foreign to you at the moment, that it's going to hit you like a ton of bricks when it finally shows up.  Don't ever look back and don't ever question what you've built with her because she's the Love of your life.  

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The Best Advice I Ever Received

What's the best advice you ever received?  For me this question required a lot of reflection because the sagest of all directives have been internalized as a part of my character, with the original conversation long since forgotten.  After some thought, it became apparent that one thing doesn't stand out, rather a handful create a list that is characteristic of the person I strive to become.

•  Don't react to things emotionally. In the context of today's digital world, let your first reaction sit for an hour, then re-read, edit, press send. -Dad
• If you lose someone, memorialize them by keeping your favorite traits alive. -Dad
• For me, this is complimenting people and jumping into things with 100% enthusiasm. 
• Actions speak louder than words. -Dad
• Especially when digging oneself out of a hole.  
• In life and in business, don't ever sell someone something.  Frame the conversation in such a way that they logically arrive at a conclusion that supports your ambitions. -1st Boss  
• People love being called by their name. -Uncle 
• It's so simple, but rarely acknowledged, and oftentimes seen as corny when exercised.  But why else would people in the service industry wear name tags?  It feels good when someone remembers your name.  

What's the best advice you ever received?  Share below. 

Pursuing new experience through Crossfit

As a working adult, it's easy to get to a point where "firsts" become scarce.  You can become an incredibly successful person, do your job, and achieve new milestones, but very few of these things will be happening for the first time.  First kiss, first date, first day on the job, first kid, first steps... these all produce a raw exhilaration and excitement that is unmatched with other achievements.  Once you've been there before, these things are special, but can lack the true visceral emotion that you felt in that inaugural moment.

One of the cool things about Crossfit is that these "firsts" are everywhere.  The very nature of such a multi-disciplined sport means that you're going to suck at a lot of stuff.  I personally suck at pretty much everything having to do with gymnastic based movements.  That and the snatch (feel free to giggle).

Warning or opportunity?

This is actually the reason I went to Crossfit for the first time-- to push myself out of my comfort zone.  I hate being inexperienced at things, so I tend to stick to previously conquered pursuits.  The danger of this is a lifetime on the easy road; something that will rob you of the incredible experiences that exist on the fringe of comfort.

In the gym, this is seen in conquering a movement for the first time.  The whole class cheers for you, you hit the PR bell, the coach gives you a high five, and says "I knew you could do it;"  it's an amazing feeling.  This type of support fuels the continual pursuit of uncharted boundaries.  This is what makes Crossfit so addicting for those that have become evangelists.

For me, this type of attitude has even extended outside of the gym to areas like business, outdoor pursuits, and "dating my Fiance."  Achieving or experiencing something for the first time, and acknowledging it for it's significance, brings a level of excitement and deep, unflappable pride that human beings naturally crave.  Without the continuous renegotiation of previously perceived boundaries, life would be dangerously stagnant, the bucket list painfully boring, and picture album sadly anti-climactic.  It's the things that scare you before the first step that end up being the most memorable.    

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