The Best Advice I Ever Received

What's the best advice you ever received?  For me this question required a lot of reflection because the sagest of all directives have been internalized as a part of my character, with the original conversation long since forgotten.  After some thought, it became apparent that one thing doesn't stand out, rather a handful create a list that is characteristic of the person I strive to become.

•  Don't react to things emotionally. In the context of today's digital world, let your first reaction sit for an hour, then re-read, edit, press send. -Dad
• If you lose someone, memorialize them by keeping your favorite traits alive. -Dad
• For me, this is complimenting people and jumping into things with 100% enthusiasm. 
• Actions speak louder than words. -Dad
• Especially when digging oneself out of a hole.  
• In life and in business, don't ever sell someone something.  Frame the conversation in such a way that they logically arrive at a conclusion that supports your ambitions. -1st Boss  
• People love being called by their name. -Uncle 
• It's so simple, but rarely acknowledged, and oftentimes seen as corny when exercised.  But why else would people in the service industry wear name tags?  It feels good when someone remembers your name.  

What's the best advice you ever received?  Share below. 

Pursuing new experience through Crossfit

As a working adult, it's easy to get to a point where "firsts" become scarce.  You can become an incredibly successful person, do your job, and achieve new milestones, but very few of these things will be happening for the first time.  First kiss, first date, first day on the job, first kid, first steps... these all produce a raw exhilaration and excitement that is unmatched with other achievements.  Once you've been there before, these things are special, but can lack the true visceral emotion that you felt in that inaugural moment.

One of the cool things about Crossfit is that these "firsts" are everywhere.  The very nature of such a multi-disciplined sport means that you're going to suck at a lot of stuff.  I personally suck at pretty much everything having to do with gymnastic based movements.  That and the snatch (feel free to giggle).

Warning or opportunity?

This is actually the reason I went to Crossfit for the first time-- to push myself out of my comfort zone.  I hate being inexperienced at things, so I tend to stick to previously conquered pursuits.  The danger of this is a lifetime on the easy road; something that will rob you of the incredible experiences that exist on the fringe of comfort.

In the gym, this is seen in conquering a movement for the first time.  The whole class cheers for you, you hit the PR bell, the coach gives you a high five, and says "I knew you could do it;"  it's an amazing feeling.  This type of support fuels the continual pursuit of uncharted boundaries.  This is what makes Crossfit so addicting for those that have become evangelists.

For me, this type of attitude has even extended outside of the gym to areas like business, outdoor pursuits, and "dating my Fiance."  Achieving or experiencing something for the first time, and acknowledging it for it's significance, brings a level of excitement and deep, unflappable pride that human beings naturally crave.  Without the continuous renegotiation of previously perceived boundaries, life would be dangerously stagnant, the bucket list painfully boring, and picture album sadly anti-climactic.  It's the things that scare you before the first step that end up being the most memorable.    

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Be aware of your online brand

Google yourself.  What pops up?  If you have a generic American name like me, probably nothing.  You're pretty anonymous.

Now Google your name plus your company.  More targeted results?  I was shocked to see that when you search "Chris Wheeler MarcomCentral," I owned nearly the entire first page of the Google search results.  I had a panic moment when I realized just how much of my life is truly visible to strangers.  You can see my Fiance, my dog, the fact that I ski, crossfit, and like bourbon.

Sitting and thinking about this, I realized that being in sales, that could actually be a good thing.  I want to present more online substance than simply my LinkedIn profile and email signature.  It allows my prospective clients to do business with a real human being, drawing some connection from what they see online.  However, the flip side of this is that it opens me up to judgement from these strangers before we've had the opportunity to interact and establish a relationship.  This is where cultivating an online brand comes into play.  

Review what is visible to the public, consider your industry, and decide what impression you'd like to give.  If you're in hospitality and nightlife, you'll have a drastically different baseline for what is appropriate than if you're in finance.  An appropriate brand for the former might be "well dressed, well connected, rages with the best," while the latter might want to be depicted as "successful, active, and family oriented."

In order to achieve the appropriate branding, you need to be aware of what and how things will show up, as well as the obvious impressions your posts will generate.  If you're at a conference and #hashtag a picture with your company name, your Instagram feed is going to show up in search results.  The same is true for your Twitter feed.  Facebook tends to be a bit more generic in what shows up, but think of what picture albums are public.  It might be a good idea to hide all those college party pictures.  Nothing sends an impression quicker than a picture of 20 yr old you doing a keg stand dressed like a "cat."

Every once in a while skim through your pictures, tweets, posts, and make sure you're sticking to that brand.  After all, in the age of uber connection, social media can either help or hurt you, so you might as well give it some thought and put it to good work.  


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Lessons learned from my dog

A lot of people have written about things you can learn from pets.  If you've ever met my dog Lulu, you know she's got quite the personality and a bit of a checkered past.  As a rescue, she's experienced things I hope I never have to go through, including abandonment, homelessness, and abuse.  Some might call her "street."

The thing that makes her amazing is that everything you'd expect from a dog is there, but she has an underlying complexity that makes her almost human-like in her emotions, schemes, and behaviors.

After spending A LOT of time with her (I work from home).  I've noticed this complexity and intelligence escalate the typical lessons learned from pets-- eat, sleep, have a short memory.

Here's Lulu's version:

Separate the person (dog) from the actions.  Lulu was left on a balcony in Modesto in winter, when her previous owners foreclosed and moved out.  You can tell in many ways that she remembers all this and certain behaviors are linked to us leaving, packing, or wearing shoes.

Her anxiety comes out in different forms-- occasionally its destructive, though most of the time she simply moves items around so that you know she's annoyed.  When her feelings are manifested in destruction, its tough not to be mad, but you know it's not malicious and may not even be about you.

With those around you, these types of encounters could be coming from somewhere much deeper, much more complicated, that you may or may not understand.  Being able to separate the person and their true feelings from something on the surface will help you read people a lot better.  This could be true for any number of things, but will always have a place in relationships.          

Play the long game.  Lulu is remarkably intelligent and seems to understand cause and effect far beyond what I've seen in other dogs.  As an accomplished con artist, she's able to string together action, reaction, getaway, and hideout with fantastic cunning.

A great example of this was when we were dog sitting for a friend.  Lulu wanted the other dog's bone.  She kept creeping closer to snatch it and we kept scolding her to play with her own toys.  She wanted this bone though, and she wanted it bad.  After three unsuccessful attempts to walk up and take the bone (remember, she's kind of a gangster), she started to work out a more complex plan.  You could see the wheels turning.

Next thing you know, Lulu runs to the front door and starts barking maniacally.  The other dog hurries over to provide backup, leaving the bone behind, which marks Lulu's opportunity to pounce.  She runs for the bone, makes her getaway down the hall to the bedroom, and under the bed to the exact center, where we can't touch her-- her safe house.

We were thoroughly impressed.

Practice unconditional love.   You see this one in all dogs.  Coming home to them can be better than coming home to humans.  Their excitement is unmatched and they make you feel like the most important person in the world.  Lulu dances around the living room, grabs toys for you, and is also a cuddler, so even if she's mad at you for leaving or giving her a bath, she simply wants to be close to you.  Every day she shows me the affect that affection can have on others, so I try to make sure that those who are important to me know it.             

What it's like to row

I'm currently reading the book "The Boys in the Boat."  It chronicles the journey of the University of Washington Crew that went on to win Gold at the 1936 Olympics in Berlin.  Whether you've spent time in a crew shell or not, the book pulls off a fascinating balance between sport and history, getting into the global politics of the time with Nazi Germany rebuilding after the first World War.

Among this, is the most complete narrative of what it's like to row that I've ever read.  To say the least, the author nailed it.

"Competitive rowing is an undertaking of extraordinary beauty preceded by brutal punishment.  Unlike most sports, which draw primarily on particular muscle groups, rowing makes heavy and repeated use of virtually every muscle in the body...

On one occasion, after watching the Washington freshmen practice, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer's Royal Brougham marveled at the relentlessness of the sport:  'Nobody ever took time out in a boat race,' he noted.  'There's no place to stop and get a satisfying drink of water or a lungful of cool, invigorating air.  You just keep your eyes glued on the red, perspiring neck of the fellow ahead of you and row until they tell you it's all over... Neighbor, it's no game for a softy.'

When you row, the major muscles in your arms, legs, and back-- particularly the quadriceps, triceps, biceps, deltoids, latissimus dorsi, abdominals, hamstrings, and gluteal muscles-- do most of the grunt work, propelling the boat forward against the unrelenting resistance of water and wind.  At the same time, scores of smaller muscles in the neck, wrists, hands, and even feet continually fine-tune your efforts, holding the body in constant equipoise in order to maintain the exquisite balance necessary to keep a twenty-four-inch-wide vessel... on an even keel.  The result of all this muscular effort, on both the larger scale and the smaller, is that your body burns calories and consumes oxygen at a rate that is unmatched in almost any other human endeavor.  Physiologists, in fact, have calculated that rowing a 2000m race-- the Olympic standard-- takes the same physiological toll as playing two basketball games back-to-back.  And it exacts that toll in about six minutes.

...While 75-80 percent of the energy a rower produces in a 2000m race is aerobic energy fueled by oxygen, races always begin, and usually end, with hard sprints.  These springs require levels of energy production that far exceed the body's capacity to produce aerobic energy, regardless of oxygen intake.  Instead the body must immediately produce anaerobic energy.  This, in turn, produces large quantities of lactic acid, and that acid rapidly builds up in the tissue of the muscles.  The consequence is that the muscles often begin to scream in agony almost from the outset of a race and continue screaming until the very end.

...The common denominator in all these conditions-- whether in the lungs, the muscles, or the bones-- is overwhelming pain.  And that is perhaps the first and most fundamental thing that all novice oarsmen must learn about competitive rowing in the upper echelons of the sport:  that pain is part and parcel of the deal.  It's not a question of whether you will hurt, or of how much you will hurt; it's a question of what you will do, and how well you will do it, while pain has her wanton way with you."

--Daniel James Brown, The Boys in the Boat        

That last line there is something that I loved about the sport of rowing.  Someday when I have kids going off to college, I hope they choose rowing, because it imparts a level of toughness and teaches lessons, particularly selflessness, that I never found in traditional team sports.   

Things I learned in sales that totally apply to dating

A sales career requires a person to stay positive while enduring loads of rejection, then be able to nurture a relationship appropriately when you find a "qualified prospect" that could lead to a potential sale, all the while adjusting your messaging and tactics to suit the personality characteristics of the individual decision maker.  Sound familiar?  Yes, sales is pretty much dating, only you get paid after "closing" and it's not shady.

Here are a few things I learned from sales that totally apply to dating:  

Set the follow up appointment.  Interest fades with time, so if you had a great first date, set the second within three days, if possible.  The more time passes, the greater the possibility competing priorities will take precedence.

Appeal to her peers as well.  Does she have a dog?  Do you know some of her friends?  Having the social network on your side will strengthen the deal.  A great move is buying her beloved pet a toy instead of getting her flowers early on in the relationship.  This shows originality and that you're on board with her having a pet.  Because, lets be real-- if it comes down to you or the dog, she's choosing the dog.

Make her miss you.  Don't go too big on texting.  You want the other person to reach out because they want to, not because they feel compelled to politely respond to your many messages.

Understand where she is in the "sales (relationship) cycle."  If she just got out of a relationship, you're probably going to need to keep things slow, unless you're into being the rebound.  Every deal is different, so you can't treat them all the same.  Learn when to push the gas pedal and when to let her do the driving.

After you "close the deal" and you're in a publicly recognized relationship, now is the time to nurture the "account" so you can be sure they renew year after year.  A great way to do this is to learn a bit about your counterpart's love language.  This will allow you to tailor your messaging and actions in a way that speaks to them, bringing about higher quality communication, which some would say is the key to a lasting relationship.

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Curate a career

A few months ago, I was talking to my soon to be Father in-law about business.  He's highly successful, highly German, and as a result, highly calculated in everything he does.  Something that he mentioned that I found incredibly simple, yet oftentimes neglected is the concept of "curating a career."  As an artist layering paint on a canvas or an athlete readying for competition, each step leads to another in a calculated, purposeful progression.  This type of methodology can all too easily become lost on people as they slog through their careers and bounce around the job market.

To curate a career, ask a few questions and adhere to a few principles:

Think two steps ahead.
Someone that plays chess will think this is common sense.  Hold a small spot in the back of your mind for how your current performance is setting you up for your next move.  Do you need to take on different projects to build your resume or develop connections at a certain company?  Set those moves up now and you'll be in a position of strength when it comes time to evaluate an opportunity.

Create a road map.
Every once in a while think of where you'd like to be in five years.  Do you want to switch fields, companies, cities?  If so, what does the map look like en route?  Develop a short hit list of companies just like you would in sales and be sure you have the connections and resume needed to get there.

Consider a change every three to five years.
The experience you gain with new environments, new peers, and new challenges, will far outweigh the experience any "lifer" could gain by sitting still.  Different companies simply do things differently, so gaining this extra perspective will allow you to make more calculated decisions with greater confidence.

Always look from a position of strength.
Sharks can sense blood in the water and hiring managers know when they have the upper hand.  Never quite before you have the next thing lined up, no matter how thirsty you are for new opportunity.

This all may sound very simple and even commonsense, but keeping some of these things in mind will keep you focused and less likely to make decisions based on pay, free food, and all the other shiny things, unless of course that's a part of your road map.


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