What's the best advice you ever received? For me this question required a lot of reflection because the sagest of all directives have been internalized as a part of my character, with the original conversation long since forgotten. After some thought, it became apparent that one thing doesn't stand out, rather a handful create a list that is characteristic of the person I strive to become.
Don't react to things emotionally. In the context of today's digital world, let your first reaction sit for an hour, then re-read, edit, press send. -Dad
If you lose someone, memorialize them by keeping your favorite traits alive. -Dad
For me, this is complimenting people and jumping into things with 100% enthusiasm.
Actions speak louder than words. -Dad
Especially when digging oneself out of a hole.
In life and in business, don't ever sell someone something. Frame the conversation in such a way that they logically arrive at a conclusion that supports your ambitions. -1st Boss
People love being called by their name. -Uncle
It's so simple, but rarely acknowledged, and oftentimes seen as corny when exercised. But why else would people in the service industry wear name tags? It feels good when someone remembers your name.
What's the best advice you ever received? Share below.
As a working adult, it's easy to get to a point where "firsts" become scarce. You can become an incredibly successful person, do your job, and achieve new milestones, but very few of these things will be happening for the first time. First kiss, first date, first day on the job, first kid, first steps... these all produce a raw exhilaration and excitement that is unmatched with other achievements. Once you've been there before, these things are special, but can lack the true visceral emotion that you felt in that inaugural moment.
One of the cool things about Crossfit is that these "firsts" are everywhere. The very nature of such a multi-disciplined sport means that you're going to suck at a lot of stuff. I personally suck at pretty much everything having to do with gymnastic based movements. That and the snatch (feel free to giggle).
Warning or opportunity?
This is actually the reason I went to Crossfit for the first time-- to push myself out of my comfort zone. I hate being inexperienced at things, so I tend to stick to previously conquered pursuits. The danger of this is a lifetime on the easy road; something that will rob you of the incredible experiences that exist on the fringe of comfort.
In the gym, this is seen in conquering a movement for the first time. The whole class cheers for you, you hit the PR bell, the coach gives you a high five, and says "I knew you could do it;" it's an amazing feeling. This type of support fuels the continual pursuit of uncharted boundaries. This is what makes Crossfit so addicting for those that have become evangelists.
For me, this type of attitude has even extended outside of the gym to areas like business, outdoor pursuits, and "dating my Fiance." Achieving or experiencing something for the first time, and acknowledging it for it's significance, brings a level of excitement and deep, unflappable pride that human beings naturally crave. Without the continuous renegotiation of previously perceived boundaries, life would be dangerously stagnant, the bucket list painfully boring, and picture album sadly anti-climactic. It's the things that scare you before the first step that end up being the most memorable.
Google yourself. What pops up? If you have a generic American name like me, probably nothing. You're pretty anonymous.
Now Google your name plus your company. More targeted results? I was shocked to see that when you search "Chris Wheeler MarcomCentral," I owned nearly the entire first page of the Google search results. I had a panic moment when I realized just how much of my life is truly visible to strangers. You can see my Fiance, my dog, the fact that I ski, crossfit, and like bourbon.
Sitting and thinking about this, I realized that being in sales, that could actually be a good thing. I want to present more online substance than simply my LinkedIn profile and email signature. It allows my prospective clients to do business with a real human being, drawing some connection from what they see online. However, the flip side of this is that it opens me up to judgement from these strangers before we've had the opportunity to interact and establish a relationship. This is where cultivating an online brand comes into play.
Review what is visible to the public, consider your industry, and decide what impression you'd like to give. If you're in hospitality and nightlife, you'll have a drastically different baseline for what is appropriate than if you're in finance. An appropriate brand for the former might be "well dressed, well connected, rages with the best," while the latter might want to be depicted as "successful, active, and family oriented."
In order to achieve the appropriate branding, you need to be aware of what and how things will show up, as well as the obvious impressions your posts will generate. If you're at a conference and #hashtag a picture with your company name, your Instagram feed is going to show up in search results. The same is true for your Twitter feed. Facebook tends to be a bit more generic in what shows up, but think of what picture albums are public. It might be a good idea to hide all those college party pictures. Nothing sends an impression quicker than a picture of 20 yr old you doing a keg stand dressed like a "cat."
Every once in a while skim through your pictures, tweets, posts, and make sure you're sticking to that brand. After all, in the age of uber connection, social media can either help or hurt you, so you might as well give it some thought and put it to good work.
The first time I heard this song, I was driving with the windows down in sunny San Diego. A few of these lines really made me think and I love to come back and listen from time to time, as I hope it reminds me of some truths that are worth keeping in focus.
My favorite: "Worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum."
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never-mind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you.
Sing.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.
Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
"There is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so." -William Shakespeare
A simple reality that people often lose sight of or even fail to recognize altogether is that we are all masters of our own perception. There are plenty of Buddhist quotes, famous lines from literature, and modern musings of positive psychology that all say pretty much the same thing-- your world "is the creation of [your] mind."
I previously wrote that allowing others to spark a reaction in you is fruitless. Furthermore, focusing on the faults of the world and the drawbacks of your existence is probably the quickest way to develop a disdain for consciousness; not to mention a drinking problem.
Leading a happy, fulfilling life takes continuous focus and mindfulness. About 60% of affect (your disposition to being happy vs. sad) is actually genetic. The rest is generally related to how you react to the world and how you choose to structure your thoughts. Believe it or not, how you think, whether positive or negative, is a learned activity just like anything else. Both cognitive therapy and meditation are tools to structure your thought patterns in a way that sets you up for happiness. Because cognitive therapy is both expensive and comes with a bit of a negative stigma, we'll focus on meditation.
Meditation is defined as a conscious attempt to focus thought in a non-analytic way. This means that meditation is an attempt to completely, yes completely, clear your mind. Surprisingly, completely clearing your mind in a day of uber-connectedness, may be one of the most challenging things you can do. I regularly attempt to pull this off for five minutes before I start my work day. In six months of trying several times a week, I've officially succeeded once. I emerged from this experience feeling as if I had just taken a shot of dopamine after eight hours of sleep. It was amazing. I had finally experienced what I had read. The discipline required to meditate gives you the strength to control your thoughts, predisposing you to focus on the positive. It relaxes you to an incredible point of peacefulness and due to the control required, actually makes you a more productive, mindful person.
So to sum this all up, remember that life is what you perceive. Having a tough day at work can suck the wind out of you, resulting in a few drinks over which you complain about life, work, everything. But the same day could be perceived as a tough day that brought about several positive learning experiences, only to be capped off with a great hang-sesh with good friends.
Things like meditation, and the knowledge that you are in control, give you the skills to consciously choose what road to take. I think we'd all agree that it's a lot more fun to take the road that has the most laughs, where the glasses are all half full.
For those of you not familiar with GS Elevator, it's some dude that works in the Goldman Sachs building on Wall Street and records ridiculous stuff he hears on the elevator via a Twitter feed. Recently this guy put together a "guide to being a man" for Business Insider. There were some real gems in there and these are my top 25 that I think apply outside of just Wall Street:
It’s okay to trade the possibility of your 80s and 90s for more guaranteed fun in your 20s and 30s.
Never stay out after midnight three nights in a row … unless something really good comes up on the third night.
Never date an ex of your friend.
Always carry cash. Keep some in your front pocket.
If riding the bus doesn't incentivize you to improve your station in life, nothing will.
When in doubt, always kiss the girl.
People are tired of you being the funny, drunk guy.
You probably use your cell phone too often and at the wrong moments.
Buy expensive sunglasses. Superficial? Yes, but so are the women judging you. And it tells these women you appreciate nice things and are responsible enough not to lose them.
Act like you've been there before. It doesn't matter if it’s in the end zone at the Super Bowl or on a private plane.
A glass of wine or two with lunch will not ruin your day.
No selfies. Aspire to experience photo-worthy moments in the company of a beautiful woman.
There’s always another level. Just be content knowing that you are still better off than most who have ever lived.
Ask for a salad instead of fries.
Be spontaneous.
Measure yourself only against your previous self.
Remember, “rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men.”
Read more. It allows you to borrow someone else’s brain, and will make you more interesting at a dinner party – provided that you don’t initiate conversation with, “So, who are you reading …”
Never take an ex back. She tried to do better and is settling with you.
Drink outdoors. And during the day. And sometimes by yourself.
If she expects the person you are 20% of the time, 100% of the time, then she doesn't want you.
Avoid that “last” whiskey. You've probably had enough.
Staying angry is a waste of energy.
Buy a tuxedo before you are thirty. Stay that size.
I was raised by a man that was continuously telling me that actions speak louder than words. As with many of the things that he taught me, this didn't sink in until I got outside my happy little bubble and out in the real world. My college roommate taught me that not everyone is as considerate as my family had been. My first job taught me that not everyone is as driven and disciplined as rowers tend to be. The workforce has continued to teach me that there are "talkers" and there are "doers."
Talkers like to sit and throw around all the things that "we should do," but they never put an action plan in place. Talkers long to be the "big picture guy," but they don't understand the necessary steps involved in achieving that picture. The danger of being a "talker" is that unless you're spontaneously born into a CEO position with the luxury of delegation, you need to back these things up with a definitive course of action. If you don't act, your words gradually lose value. If you don't reinforce the big picture with the actions needed to move down the road, the picture remains a pipe dream.
Doers on the other hand emerge as natural leaders. These people understand that dreams don't become reality without taking that first step. Furthermore, they're able to map out what needs to happen after that first step. Note that this map does not need to be perfect. It's this need to work everything out before launching a project that paralyzes people in the talking stage. Take the leap! Get the ball rolling! Whatever cliche you want to throw out there, just get started and let the pieces start to fall into place. You'll make mistakes and you'll have to adjust your course, but most importantly, you'll be doing; not talking. Google and Apple weren't built by figuring everything out beforehand, so no matter how big or small your project, just get started.
Making changes like this can be challenging. Something that has really helped me focus on action in my personal and professional life is a principal called the "two minute rule." James Clear is the guy that came up with the idea and the gist of it is as follows:
"Most of the tasks that you procrastinate on aren't actually difficult to do -- you have the talent and skills to accomplish them -- you just avoid starting them for one reason or another. ... If a task takes less than two minutes to complete, then do it right now." How to Stop Procrastinating by Using the 'Two-Minute Rule'
The two minute rule is meant to help people procrastinate less, but a wonderful side effect is that it starts to turn you into a doer. You'll start to take pride in getting things done and in being a person of action. Slowly this starts to become ingrained in your character. You realize how quickly many of these things can be done and so you'll be the person to pick up that piece of trash, to unload the dishwasher, to take that first step.
Simple things can have dramatic results and I've found that by starting small and focusing on being a person of action, you can become more productive and a more valuable team member than you ever thought possible.
